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Near Dark (1987)
IMDB rating: 7.00
Plot: A mid-western farm boy reluctantly becomes a member of the undead when a girl he meets turns out to be part of a band of southern vampires who roam the highways in stolen cars. Part of his initiation includes a bloody assault on a hick bar.
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Directors: Bigelow Kathryn
Actors: Pasdar Adrian,Henriksen Lance,Paxton Bill,Thomerson Tim,Miller Joshua John,Call Kenny,Corbett Ed,Evans Troy,Cross Bill,Brown Roger Aaron,Wagner Thomas,Winley Robert,Horror,Romance,Western,
Is this a good introduction to a book?
Hello my name is Chandler and i’m 15, I am writing a book about the end of the world, I wanted to know if this was a "catchy" introduction to a story, does it make you want to read more? Or is it just plain boring. The reason I want to know this is, if i wrote the whole book this way and its boring, nobody will read it, but if its catchy, it might catch the eye of a publisher.
*The world on it’s deathbead*
There was allot of shouting going on in the streets that day. Cars began to con-jest and honk loudly at one another. The wind began to slow its whisp and the streets were lit bright with a glare. The masses were praying for mercy at the great circular light in the horizon, indeed they all feared for our lives. We simply stared in dis belief as the clouds began to part into smoke rings that moved outward. A gust of wind caught my side as I walked along heading back to my apartment. My eyes ever so often caught a glance of the mass happening, but I dismissed it all so that I would remain calm in my final minutes of life. The crowd stood motionless, silently waiting as the light grew nearer. I couldent help but notice all of these people showed no emotion at all, they gazed quietly knowing this was most certainly the end. The wind then died down and a sudden silence fell upon us. I watched as the light grew brighter and brighter from off to the ocean. The sky began to wrinkle and rip as if it were a painted canvas. There was a prominate humming noise rang through the streets like an approaching train. Maple leaves fluttered from the trees and snapped past us signaling that the wind was picking back up I then picked up my pace to a full run as I darted around randomly parked cars in the streets. My eyes were sent up above me to see the moon, it was a dark ring in the blareing white sky. People began to shout as the air grew hot and shadows shot past us darkening. My attention was directed to the sound of classical music which was being played from the open door of someones car. There shouting was silenced as masses of glass shattered from the skyscrapers and fell to them. Shockwaves of dust roared down the streets like a hoard of rampaging bulls. The dark escence of death began to flood around me. While darting across the street, I looked behind to see that the whole sky lit up to the flareing britness of the sun. I then rushed to the shadow behind a local bank, while doing so I felt the heat and air pressure rise to an unworldly amount. My hands were sent over my ears as they began to pop. I shielded my whole face hiding in this dark oasis of shade. Then, all pressure, heat and sound stopped, my squinted eye caught a glance of tiny lines of smoke that trailed from every object and eventually curved into the direction of the bright light. Then, my resting place, the shadow of a bank grew pitch black as opposed to the white asphalt and surrounding sky scrapers. The smoke reversed directions and my vision began to fade out. I realized that this was the end for me, my life was no more. Something had happened to the world that was truly evil, something that nobody expected. I began to realize that everyone on the beaches must have been either burt to death, or crushed by the extreme air pressure. Even in this darkened shadow, my skin felt as if it were melting which was probibly true. What seemed like hours were only a few seconds of light and the sound of humming. My mind raced with possibilities of what was going on, I pondered the thought I was the last living being in this city, or perhaps the world. The pain soon grew to enormous to think, the heat was unbearable and I knew that this was where I would have to give up. Instantly, my brain activity ended as if I were falling asleep and that was the last thing I remember from the world I had known for so long.
While our old wold had come to an end, a new world…. had just been born.
Please note this inst the final version, spelling and punctuation arent corrected.
A little confusing. Only so many descriptive sentences should be used and I think you used to many. Work on spelling too. Get an editor or someone good with writing who you trust to help you. I think there is hope for it.
Mbjhhjk | Feb 03, 2010
"…but if its catchy, it might catch the eye of a publisher."
– It doesn’t work like that. You need more than a catchy opening, you need superb writing. Your work is laced with spelling and grammar errors to the point that no publisher will take you seriously. Unfortunately, the bad writing kills it for me. It’s good for your age, but work on your writing, especially the basics like spelling and grammar, and even sentence structure. Don’t worry about publishing, just write for fun. I stopped reading somewhere near the end because I couldn’t continue to take the English language being botched this badly. No offense, and you can get angry with what I’ve written, but being angry doesn’t improve your writing. Keep trying and you’ll get better over time. Just forget about publishing until you drastically improve; it takes years of writing before you start writing quality stuff. Good luck.
One more thing, if it was better written then it would’ve caught my attention.
Joss | Feb 03, 2010
It’s a good start!
I think you have a knack for using imagery, which is definitely a key component of writing a good story. Also, the harried pace of the writing helps involve the reader in the scene.
On the other hand, however, the previous poster is right. You should definitely work closely with an editor on this, because there are a lot of misspellings and mechanical errors. You will definitely need to break this up into paragraphs as well, because reading it as one block of text can get confusing. If you are serious about being published, you will want to submit a sparkling manuscript, as free of errors as possible. (Although, at 15, I would say practice writing more before you consider publishing. For writing, just like any other pursuit, practice is the best way to grow and improve.)
Also, when you use imagery you still need to be thoughtful of its implications. Although the language is figurative, it still needs to portray a believable image that makes sense. One example: "My hands were sent over my ears as they began to pop." My first thought was to ask who sent your hands over your ears? It just doesn’t really make sense. You may consider saying something more like, "I threw my hands to my ears just as they began to pop." or "Instinctively, my hands shot up to my ears…"
I hope this helped! I wish you luck in the writing process 
Don’t give up, and practice makes perfect!
-Crystal
http://www.schubertsolutions.com
Crystal | Feb 03, 2010
I think your idea to write a book is ambitious.
Let me mention your strong points first, and then offer a critique with a few suggestions.
You have a vivid imagination and a good vocabulary, as well as some ability with words.
You need to develop that ability if you want to be a writer. To become a published writer will take a lot of work over time. And I mean a number of years. Malcolm Gladwell in his book "Outliers: The Story of Success," based on thorough research, has pointed out that it takes about ten years, or 10,000 hours, of practice to become a master at writing or piano or a sport, and so on.
Publishers look at specific things in reading usually the first paragraph or so of a novel (I take it you are considering writing a novel) to decide whether to read on or reject it.
Let’s pretend I had written your long paragraph above. Then I put it away for a few weeks then went back to it and re-read my writing. What would I do?
Well, I would decide that not to many people would want to read my long paragraph, so I would break it up into 7-10 smaller ones.
I would notice my spelling errors (this is a super-quick turnoff for publishers) and run my programs spell check and correct the errors.
I would go over my writing, line for line, noting my word choices–do they really say what I mean them to say?–and my punctuation.
I would dramatize things more, get another character or characters in there, with some dialogue: "Hey, what’s happening. where are you going? Wait!" Something like that. Make it less narration, more scene. I would compare it to published, best-selling novels, for style and structure.
"The reason I want to know this is, if i wrote the whole book this way and its boring, nobody will read it, but if its catchy, it might catch the eye of a publisher." It takes a lot more than catchiness to win over a publisher. This book, written by a very successful agent, goes over most of what publishers are looking for: "Writing the Breakout Novel" bu Donald Maass…
http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Breakout-N ovel-Donald-Maass/dp/158297182X/ref=sr_1 _1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=126522532 0&sr=8-1
If you’re serious about being a writer, spend a few years learning your craft and developing your abilities.
Bill | Feb 03, 2010
hey chandler… am 14 .my name is Ashley.. am just using my dad’s email address.. anyways.. i like your introduction… but you need to correct some of your spelling OK… later…
Henry | Feb 03, 2010
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